Archive | April, 2015

Other Side of the World

28 Apr

Hi, everyone!

I am so, so sorry for not having posted in what, one or two years? I am so incredibly sorry that I have neglected this Blog, and neglected to continue my BB Posts. It sounds incredibly selfish, but I got involved in something that made me have less motivation to type up Posts, but I do think that I finished watching BB… did I?

How have yah all been?! I’ve missed you all, despite having not logged in for SO LONG my word. It just never occurred to me to make more Posts, and, ugh. Don’t forget that you’re all welcome to Comment !

Anyways, I hope to get back into writing. I miss it! and I want to vent, and release my emotions, and rant, and just basically let you all know what’s happening.

So, there’s this song:

I’m kinda addicted to Grey’s Anatomy- “GA”. Kinda super addicted. and I was re-warching S2, and there was this song in there called “Other Side of the World” by KT Tunstall. and the thing is, this song kinda relates super much to my life right now.

I’m not going to go into details, but, basically, I can honestly say that I had the best Summer of my life in 2014. It was filled with wonderful memories that I’ll never forget. In-particular, there was this one person that made my Summer as great as it was.

but here’s the catch:

it seems these days that they’re tired of me. I just talked with them, and they said that they were tired of my voice. That I’m annoying. That they don’t want to talk to me anymore. He doesn’t like the way that I am. They want to do other things than talk to me. and it hurts the most because once upon a time, they once said that they loved my voice. They didn’t think that I was annoying. They always wanted to talk to me. He loved the way that I was. They would rather talk to me than do other things, or have me there while they did things.

and a thought came to me- isn’t it funny how people change from when you first met them?

I’m going to bring up the lyrics of the song:

Over the sea and far away
She’s waiting like an iceberg
Waiting to change
But she’s cold inside
She wants to be like the water

All the muscles tighten in her face
Buries her soul in one embrace
They’re one and the same
Just like water

[Chorus:]
The fire fades away
Most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it’s too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You’re close enough to see that
You’re the other side of the world to me

On comes the panic light
Holding on with fingers and feelings alike
But the time has come
To move along

[Chorus]

Can you help me?
Can you let me go
And can you still love me
When you can’t see me anymore

[Chorus] 

( courtesy of A-Z Lyrics )

Gonna take this line by line the best that I can- how the song relates to me, and why I must feature it in this Post, because I need to.

1 We’re a long-distance kinda thing. Literally, we’re across the sea from each other.

2 It hasn’t been that long since we met. We first met in 2013, in like August? Or September. He wanted to keep in-contact, or I did, (we both did?!) so I gave him my E-Mail for that kinda thing; it was in an online thinger that we met. Upon getting involved romantically with each other, we wanted so bad to meet each other. So. Bad. To be able to see each other face-to-face, and to touch. To hug. And many other things. Icebergs, I think, take a long time to shift and to move. “She’s waiting like an iceberg” is kinda like, to me, that she’s willing to wait for however long to meet him. That’s the thing with me, and it still is. I honestly don’t mind waiting. Maybe that was the thing. Maybe he was tired of waiting, and wanted something more.

3 He told me today that “if I want to change a person, I first have to change myself”. But if he can’t accept who I am, what the heck am I?

4 The past few weeks, I’ve been feeling awfully down. I told him something similar to this, and I don’t think that he really cared. Maybe I’m wanting attention. I want him to pay attention to me because he listens to me that way. Either way, I’m breaking inside. I don’t feel happy unless something happy comes up. Been feeling down. What’s the difference between feeling depressed, and feeling clinically depressed? That’s my question.

5 I want to be like the water. So I could simply cross the ocean as often as I’d like because, well, I’d be the water. I could visit him whenever I want to without needing to worry about expenses, or anything like that that one has to think about when travelling. I could cross, see him, and all would be well.

6 I guess when you smile, your muscles tighten? You certainly use your muscles to smile. He makes me smile. He made me smile. Constantly. I’m hoping that he’ll prove me wrong and make me smile again one of these days.

7 I was reading this line, and I was thinking hard about it. It makes me think how I completely enveloped myself in him without thinking much of the consequences. I got comfy with him, and told him everything. I always ran to him when anything happened, important or not. I’m not stupid. I know that when you get too involved with someone, and something goes wrong, it’s going to devastate you badly. and I knew, going into this, that if I fell in-love with him, and something happened, that I’d be absolutely crushed. I wouldn’t be the same again. and yeah, I was right. Apparently, I don’t listen to myself.

8 He liked to to say, about me and him, that “we are one”. Enough said.

9 No matter what, we’ll find compromise. That we’ll meet each other half-way. Nothing happens without the other’s permission. We’ll melt into each other like ice melts into water.

10 This is pretty self-explanatory. He doesn’t love me like that anymore. Is it silly for me to hope that he will love me like that again someday? Is it silly for me to hope for something that everyone says won’t happen, but I believe that it will? I believe in many things, like him. The romance faded away, but I hope that it will come back. It might’ve been because he loved me on and off. It might’ve been because he didn’t want to wait anymore. It might’ve been because he didn’t want to be in a relationship. It might’ve been because there weren’t many things to talk about anymore. Whatever it was, it faded, and I wish that it’ll come back at some point of my life. Even if he treats me like he does right now. It’s awfully painful to be in-love with someone who treats you like crap and doesn’t give two sh– about you- but, hey, you love who you love.

11-12 This line is self-explanatory

13 It’s hard to bring it up. It’s hard to bring up something like that. It’s hard to tell the truth sometimes, because you don’t want to hurt the other person, or screw things up. So you keep your mouth shut. I keep my mouth shut.

14 I really wish it were simple

15 Don’t give up, please. Is it so bad that I need you in this world? When anything happens in my life, you are the first person that I want to tell everything to. Even when you don’t want to hear it, even if I don’t even want to. I want to tell you because you’re you, and you said that I could always tell you something. and now you say “no”. Don’t leave me behind, you said that you wouldn’t. Keep your promises.

16-17 You’re drifting. Literally, on the other side of the world. You really are on the other side of the world. and I feel like I can’t reach you anymore. Not unless I give you space. and it’s hard to. It’s hard to let someone be who they want to be without you. But it’s a part of life, and if you want them to be a part of your life, sometimes it’s best to do so. You’re drifting away from me and I know that you know that you’re doing it. That’s why “you’re close enough to see that/you’re the other side of the world to me”.

18 – Just like line 7, warning signs popped up before I thought about the idea of loving you. I ignored it and went along with it. The “panic light” has turned on these days because I realize that you’re wanting to go along without me. and it scares me. It really, really scares me. It scares me so much because I want to be along for the ride, and I don’t want to be left by myself without you. I’m too selfish, too jealous, too persistent, too annoying, too ignorant. These past few weeks I’ve noticed that you’re treating me differently, you no longer want to talk to me much (if at-all), and that you’re only treating me like this because of you not wanting to talk to me, amongst other things. You don’t treat others like this, you say.

19 – I’m desperately holding on to us, and you say not to hold on to the past because it’s the past

20-21- I need to move along. but I can’t. Can’t really. http://thoughtcatalog.com/ella-ceron/2014/07/5-reasons-why-you-cant-get-over-your-almost-relationship/

30 – Help me, please. I’m breaking and you’re just standing there, watching me break in-front of you.

31 – This line could be omitted… or, rather, could you let me go of being treated like absolute sh–

32-33 Will you maybe fall back in-love with me, romantically, if I no longer bothered you? Would you maybe appreciate me like you once did? If I one day disappeared, or got sick, or died, would you go back to wishing for you and I? That, maybe, you will want to spend time with me again. Treat me like you used to. That’s all that I want. I want to be that person again.

(I pressed a button around here and thought that my entire Post got deleted… THANK GOODNESS/GODNESS FOR AUTO-SAVE THANK-YAH KDSJFLPO)

and what has happened to me? I’ve become this pathetic, useless lump of a person waiting for a call. All. The. Time. Why can’t I find who I used used to be anymore? Why can’t I find who I was before I was before I met you? All that I can think about is you and I, and that’s it. Everyday, constantly. It’s constant, it’s always there.

I want him to be happy

and if being happy isn’t with me, it’s okay. It’s okay.

It might not be okay for me, but I will get through it. I always do. Because I’m me. and I’m used to being excluded, left alone, etc. It might take me a while, but I will be okay. and I just hope that one day, you will call me again and say that you miss me. Because that’s all that I really want. I want you to ask me how’ve I’ve been, and what I’ve been up to. I want you to remember me and think good thoughts. I want you to call me up and say that you miss me and the way that things used to be and that you’d like to start all over again. Because if there’s anything that I want, it’s to be married to my first love.

Everyone says that there’s no point to wanting to be with something that doesn’t want to be with you. That they don’t deserve your love, your attention, your time. So why is it that I don’t really care about that?

Lastly, KT Tunstall said that she wrote this song about her “first big love” being “a long-distance relationship”.

He was my first big love. My first real love.

He is my first big love.

Once upon a time, E loved me so much that he couldn’t tell me how much that he loved me. That he loved me so much that it “wasn’t humanly possible” or “human mind powers”, something like that, to express. Once upon a time, he loved me and I wanted him to be the rest of my life. I want him to be the rest of my life?

I miss him and how he used to treat me

you’re on the other side of the world to me, and I don’t want you to be

Come back, be here.

Love,

– Louise

started at 7:54-8:55A.M.

P.S. Thank-yah so, so much for the 2045 HITS- it’s incredible, so, thank-yah so, so much for checking in, whoever yah are.

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